Thank you so much for your wrestling with scripture. I always loved God and wanted to serve Him with my whole heart growing up, but I was stuck with an image of Him that left me wanting. I never thought I was good enough for Him. I always thought that the problem was with me, and that I was just some broken human that simply was too selfish or weak-willed to break free from my addiction to pornography, get over my crippling social anxiety that kept me from sharing Jesus with others like a good Christian was SUPPOSED to be doing, as well as a multitude of other fears, weaknesses, ineptitude’s, etc. that were unfit for a good ambassador of Christ. But, I kept trying! I loved Him too much not to.
As I was studying apologetics in an attempt to understand the problem of evil, I eventually stumbled upon your Satan and The Problem of Evil book that completely reshaped what I thought on the issue and led me to your other writings. I read Seeing is Believing, Repenting of Religion, the Matrix book, and couldn’t stop! The way you’ve helped show me that God loves me for ME and NOT MY FAILURES, is actually HAPPY to spend time with me, and doesn’t see my weaknesses as obstacles to earning His grace/salvation, but rather as weaknesses resulting from past hurts that He wants to bring complete healing to CHANGED EVERYTHING. I began to finally see and grab hold of the identity that Christ gives me rather than the lies told to me by Satan, others, and myself.
That was a year or two ago, and since then I haven’t been the same person. I’ve found so much freedom in areas I never thought possible, and have made a ton of progress in healing past hurts that have led me to a developing a more full, confident, and compassionate heart that I have always wanted to have. I’ve been able to speak life into my friends and fellow Christians, view them in non-judgmental eyes, and see the REAL good news of the gospel that is actually relevant to helping people finding freedom rather than more religious oppression. There are still areas of progress needed in my life, but that’ll never be something new ;)
Anyways, thanks again. You’re an awesome person and God is using you. Please keep it up because God’s work through you has, and will continue to, change hearts for the better.