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Gays and God’s Beebe Bird Massacre

So, what about those thousands of birds that died suddenly in Beebe Arkansas on New Years Eve? Some say it was caused by fireworks. Others say it more likely was due to hail or lightening. And, of course, there will always be those who chalk it up to pesty aliens. (Why don’t they just leave us ALONE?!)

Well another option has recently been put on the table for our careful consideration (surely you knew this was coming!). Cindy Jacobs, widely regarded as a prophetess in charismatic circles, has produced a short video suggesting that this bizarre event was a sign from God expressing his disapproval of the recent repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” (a policy that forbid gays from being open about their orientation while serving in the military). As confirming evidence, Cindy points out that this policy was put in place by President Bill Clinton whom, you may recall, came from Arkansas!

There ya go!

Let’s be clear what this revelation means folks. It seems God IS okay with our warfare in general. No birds were supernaturally smitten when the U.S. invaded Iraq, Afghanistan, Grenada, or dropped the bomb on Hiroshima. And, so far as we know, no birds have been smitten over our half trillion dollar military budget while a billion neighbors lack basic food and shelter. The Almighty is okay with this. It’s only after we allowed gay soldiers to stop hiding that he unleashed the Beebe bird massacre.

Basically, all those smitten birds were God’s way of saying, “Soldiers, you can keep killing, but get back in the closet!”

People, how many more poor blackbirds will have to die before we get the point!?!

I don’t know, but if God is going to keep communicating this way, I’m thinking he should consider hiring a new press agent or something. His warnings just don’t seem to be landing lately. Some may recall the famous church steeple warning a few years back. One could argue it also was a bit too subtle.

So you’re probably wondering why I even bother to blog about nonsense like this? Well, I find that if I don’t allow myself to laugh, I easily begin to get angry. Also, if followers of Jesus don’t publicly distance themselves from nonsense-in-Jesus-name, then non-believers naturally assume that buying into this nonsense is simply what Jesus followers do. (Sadly, I first heard this story on Anderson Cooper’s CNN program last night.)


ps. Don’t forget, NDY party/fundraiser for Providence Ministries at the Dugout in Mahtomedi, MN, THIS FRIDAY (1/14), 8:30 -12:00.

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