We run our website the way we wished the whole internet worked: we provide high quality original content with no ads. We are funded solely by your direct support. Please consider supporting this project.
I have forgiven, but how do I trust again?
Every week we get in all kinds of questions and comments from our readers. If you have a question, first check our ever-growing Q&A page, and then send it to us if it hasn’t already been answered. We can’t get to them all, but yours might be answered and featured like this one below.
READER: A while back, a friend of mine seriously hurt and betrayed me. After three years of not seeing one another (her choice), she humbly repented, told me she was sorry, and asked for my forgiveness. I have forgiven her and we are starting to be friends again. But now what? How do I open my heart to her again? How do I start “testing the waters” to see if I can trust again? I want to be able to freely love and trust her again, just as Christ does with us. But how do I do this without being suspicious all the time, scrutinizing every conversation? It’s a hard line to walk, but I’m looking for some Godly wisdom concerning how to walk it in love and truth. Any scripture or words of advice would be greatly appreciated!
GREG: While no Scriptures immediately come to mind that directly answer your question, I can offer some advice. That is a hard line to walk, and the balance is between guarding your heart on the one hand, while giving out appropriate degrees of trust on the other. There simply is no “rule” about how much or how little to do this. What I can say, however, is that it will help immensely if you can learn to get all your worth, security, and sense of well-being from Christ to the point that even if your sister were to betray you again—which I hope would never happen—it still would not destroy you. If a person’s unfaithfulness cuts to the core of our worth, security, and well-being, it’s much harder to trust them.
I wish you and your sister the best as you restore your relationship.
Image by OpenSource.com. Used in accordance with Creative Commons. Sourced via Flickr.
Category: Q&A
Tags: Christian Life, Forgiveness, Relationships
Topics: Relationships
Related Reading
How Does God Hear All Our Prayers?
Q: At any given moment there are millions of people praying to God. How is it possible for God to pay attention to my little, silent prayer amidst all the chatter? The reason you or I can only effectively listen to one person at a time is because we only have a limited amount of…
Sermon Clip: How Christians Should Respond to Ferguson
In this clip from this weeks sermon, Greg Boyd comments on how Christians should respond to the events in Ferguson St. Louis and how that response should always be in love and to help heal both sides. The full sermon is here: http://whchurch.org/sermons-media/sermon/heart-smart-qa
Podcast: Can We Really Have a Personal Relationship with Jesus?
It’s all about parts and wholes in this rip-roaring journey through the historical development of certain pietistic trends as Greg introduces his listeners to Depeche Mode Theology. http://traffic.libsyn.com/askgregboyd/Episode_0228.mp3
What do you think of “confrontational evangelism”?
Question: In The Myth of a Christian Nation, you emphasize our need to sacrificially serve others. But you didn’t emphasize our need to “preach the Gospel to every living creature.” I’ve been intrigued by the movement known as “confrontational evangelism,” associated with Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron. They stress the need to get people to…
How can prayer change God’s mind?
You’ve argued that since God is all-good, he’s always doing the most he can do in every situation to bring about good. But you have also argued that prayer can change God’s mind. How are these two beliefs compatible?
Living Jesus’ Prayer for Forgiveness
Luke 23:34: Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Could anything be more shocking and yet more beautiful than this prayer? After being whipped, beaten, crowned with thorns, repeatedly mocked, spit upon, sneered at, and pierced with spikes through his wrists and ankles, while slowly suffocating as he…