We run our website the way we wished the whole internet worked: we provide high quality original content with no ads. We are funded solely by your direct support. Please consider supporting this project.
I have forgiven, but how do I trust again?
Every week we get in all kinds of questions and comments from our readers. If you have a question, first check our ever-growing Q&A page, and then send it to us if it hasn’t already been answered. We can’t get to them all, but yours might be answered and featured like this one below.
READER: A while back, a friend of mine seriously hurt and betrayed me. After three years of not seeing one another (her choice), she humbly repented, told me she was sorry, and asked for my forgiveness. I have forgiven her and we are starting to be friends again. But now what? How do I open my heart to her again? How do I start “testing the waters” to see if I can trust again? I want to be able to freely love and trust her again, just as Christ does with us. But how do I do this without being suspicious all the time, scrutinizing every conversation? It’s a hard line to walk, but I’m looking for some Godly wisdom concerning how to walk it in love and truth. Any scripture or words of advice would be greatly appreciated!
GREG: While no Scriptures immediately come to mind that directly answer your question, I can offer some advice. That is a hard line to walk, and the balance is between guarding your heart on the one hand, while giving out appropriate degrees of trust on the other. There simply is no “rule” about how much or how little to do this. What I can say, however, is that it will help immensely if you can learn to get all your worth, security, and sense of well-being from Christ to the point that even if your sister were to betray you again—which I hope would never happen—it still would not destroy you. If a person’s unfaithfulness cuts to the core of our worth, security, and well-being, it’s much harder to trust them.
I wish you and your sister the best as you restore your relationship.
Image by OpenSource.com. Used in accordance with Creative Commons. Sourced via Flickr.
Category: Q&A
Tags: Christian Life, Forgiveness, Relationships
Topics: Relationships
Related Reading
Should churches have armed security guards?
Question: Recently (December, 2007) a security guard at New Life Church in Colorado Springs shot and apparently killed a man who was shooting people in the church parking lot. The pastor (Brady Boyd) hailed her as a “real hero.” Do you think churches should have armed security guards and do you think the pastor was…
I believe Christianity is true, but how do I feel it?
READER: Reading your Letters From a Skeptic recently helped me conclude that Jesus really is Lord and that he died for me, so I decided to become his follower. But for some reason I don’t yet feel like I’m all the way there. It seems like there’s a disconnect between my head and my heart.…
Counter-Cultural Community
Jessica Lucia via Compfight On Tuesday Greg tweeted, “We inevitably acclimate to our environment. We can’t hope to be counter-cultural unless we’re embedded in a counter-cultural community.” Surely almost all Christian leaders would agree with this. But what does a counter-cultural community look like? How do we relate to one another and to the world…
How can prayer change God’s mind?
You’ve argued that since God is all-good, he’s always doing the most he can do in every situation to bring about good. But you have also argued that prayer can change God’s mind. How are these two beliefs compatible?
Are Christians Required to Give 10% of Their Income to the Church?
Question: I and my husband have become increasingly uncomfortable with the many sermons on tithing we’ve been recently hearing at our church. Our pastor insists we tithe 10% to the church regardless of what else we give to other ministries. It seems like it has been reduced to a formula: Give ten percent and be blessed…
Living Jesus’ Prayer for Forgiveness
Luke 23:34: Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Could anything be more shocking and yet more beautiful than this prayer? After being whipped, beaten, crowned with thorns, repeatedly mocked, spit upon, sneered at, and pierced with spikes through his wrists and ankles, while slowly suffocating as he…