We run our website the way we wished the whole internet worked: we provide high quality original content with no ads. We are funded solely by your direct support. Please consider supporting this project.
I have forgiven, but how do I trust again?
Every week we get in all kinds of questions and comments from our readers. If you have a question, first check our ever-growing Q&A page, and then send it to us if it hasn’t already been answered. We can’t get to them all, but yours might be answered and featured like this one below.
READER: A while back, a friend of mine seriously hurt and betrayed me. After three years of not seeing one another (her choice), she humbly repented, told me she was sorry, and asked for my forgiveness. I have forgiven her and we are starting to be friends again. But now what? How do I open my heart to her again? How do I start “testing the waters” to see if I can trust again? I want to be able to freely love and trust her again, just as Christ does with us. But how do I do this without being suspicious all the time, scrutinizing every conversation? It’s a hard line to walk, but I’m looking for some Godly wisdom concerning how to walk it in love and truth. Any scripture or words of advice would be greatly appreciated!
GREG: While no Scriptures immediately come to mind that directly answer your question, I can offer some advice. That is a hard line to walk, and the balance is between guarding your heart on the one hand, while giving out appropriate degrees of trust on the other. There simply is no “rule” about how much or how little to do this. What I can say, however, is that it will help immensely if you can learn to get all your worth, security, and sense of well-being from Christ to the point that even if your sister were to betray you again—which I hope would never happen—it still would not destroy you. If a person’s unfaithfulness cuts to the core of our worth, security, and well-being, it’s much harder to trust them.
I wish you and your sister the best as you restore your relationship.
Image by OpenSource.com. Used in accordance with Creative Commons. Sourced via Flickr.
Category: Q&A
Tags: Christian Life, Forgiveness, Relationships
Topics: Relationships
Related Reading
Does the Bible forbid interracial marriages?
Absolutely not! Racist Christians used to argue against interracial marriage by quoting Old Testament passages that prohibited Jews from marrying non-Jews. This prohibition had nothing to do with race, however. In fact, there was no concept of different “races” until white Europeans invented it during the Colonial period, partly to justify their enslavement of other…
Sermon Clip: Dear Abby
In this short sermon clip, Greg Boyd discusses Matthew 7. The infamous “plank in your own eye vs a speck of dust in your neighbors. He clarifies what this verse means when you have a close friend with an issue that you are helping them with. In the full sermon of Heart Smart our team…
How can prayer change God’s mind?
You’ve argued that since God is all-good, he’s always doing the most he can do in every situation to bring about good. But you have also argued that prayer can change God’s mind. How are these two beliefs compatible?
Sanctuary
. SantiMB . via Compfight Jamie Wright wrote this penetrating essay of encountering a woman in a moment of extremity and need. It’s a reminder of our great need for a sanctuary, a safe place to come when the world has gone mad and we have nowhere else to go. From her essay: Because,…
Engaging the Culture
Mark McIntyre shares some thoughts here on the culture wars that often define our relationship to the world outside of the Church. We are called to be a people who are known by our love rather than our stance on this or that social issue. Are we really known this way? Mark’s words are a…
The Holy Alternative
God is holy because he’s utterly “other” and distinct from anything in the created world. Certain objects are called holy because they’re set apart from common objects, having been consecrated to God for a special purpose. And God’s people are called to be holy by virtue of the radically different kind of life we live.…