We run our website the way we wished the whole internet worked: we provide high quality original content with no ads. We are funded by your direct support for ReKnew and our vision. Please consider supporting this project.

I have forgiven, but how do I trust again?
Every week we get in all kinds of questions and comments from our readers. If you have a question, first check our ever-growing Q&A page, and then send it to us if it hasn’t already been answered. We can’t get to them all, but yours might be answered and featured like this one below.
READER: A while back, a friend of mine seriously hurt and betrayed me. After three years of not seeing one another (her choice), she humbly repented, told me she was sorry, and asked for my forgiveness. I have forgiven her and we are starting to be friends again. But now what? How do I open my heart to her again? How do I start “testing the waters” to see if I can trust again? I want to be able to freely love and trust her again, just as Christ does with us. But how do I do this without being suspicious all the time, scrutinizing every conversation? It’s a hard line to walk, but I’m looking for some Godly wisdom concerning how to walk it in love and truth. Any scripture or words of advice would be greatly appreciated!
GREG: While no Scriptures immediately come to mind that directly answer your question, I can offer some advice. That is a hard line to walk, and the balance is between guarding your heart on the one hand, while giving out appropriate degrees of trust on the other. There simply is no “rule” about how much or how little to do this. What I can say, however, is that it will help immensely if you can learn to get all your worth, security, and sense of well-being from Christ to the point that even if your sister were to betray you again—which I hope would never happen—it still would not destroy you. If a person’s unfaithfulness cuts to the core of our worth, security, and well-being, it’s much harder to trust them.
I wish you and your sister the best as you restore your relationship.
Image by OpenSource.com. Used in accordance with Creative Commons. Sourced via Flickr.
Category: Q&A
Tags: Christian Life, Forgiveness, Relationships
Topics: Relationships
Related Reading

Sermon: Kingdom Nice
Did Jesus’ disciples break up?!? In this short clip, Greg Boyd talks about conflict between the disciples and how they handled it in a Christ-like way. The little things we do in the Kingdom make a big difference. In the full sermon, Greg shows that the incarnation and cross are spiritual and physical realities for…

Is the Bible against body piercing and tattoos?
Some Christians argue against body piercing and tattoos on the basis of a couple of Old Testament verses that prohibit them (Lev. 19:28). Several years back an aggravated lady tried to get me to preach against these things in my church (she’d observed that a number of people in the congregation had body piercings and…

“Christ is Lord”: What Does it Mean?
We enter the domain of God’s reign when we enthrone Christ as Lord of our life. This seems simple enough. But actually, I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding of what this means. The Bible says that if we “declare with our mouth ‘Jesus is Lord,” we “will be saved” (Rom.10:9). To the thinking of…

I believe Christianity is true, but how do I feel it?
READER: Reading your Letters From a Skeptic recently helped me conclude that Jesus really is Lord and that he died for me, so I decided to become his follower. But for some reason I don’t yet feel like I’m all the way there. It seems like there’s a disconnect between my head and my heart.…

Following Jesus as You
Rachel Held Evans posted an insightful blog today (it was actually a repost from 2011) engaging the problem of discouragement as we encounter various ideals of what it means to be a Christian versus the reality and limitations of our particular lives. I think we all struggle with this at one time or another. Rather…

Beyond Theoretical Salvation
Profession of Christ’s lordship in our lives isn’t a magical formula. It’s more than a theory about how we can get saved if we confess the right doctrines. The confession has meaning only when it’s understood to be a genuine pledge to surrender one’s life to Christ. (See yesterday’s post.) But I want us to…